A Day in the Life of Me......
Again?
Published on June 17, 2004 By Kayles In Personal Relationships
Maybe it's pathetic to write something like this on the internet, but I need help.

My boyfriend told me last night that he talked to a few people and they suggested we take a break to figure out if I am the woman he wants to marry! HE needs to take a break! I’m the one with three kids! I’m the one who has to analyze everything BEFORE I decide that I want a relationship or not! Well, I told him that we could take a break, but it would not be exclusive.

First of all, I am the best girlfriend ever (and modest!) I love him, support him and give, give, give. I’m not complaining about him in that area, mind you. We’ve been together for a year. He treats me great! He supports me and cares about me and I truly love him. The way he treats me makes me want to love him and support him and give!

I am so hurt, it seems that I keep falling into these relationships where the guy I’m dating is using me to grow! “Oh, I’ll have pity on the hot, single mom, maybe I’ll like it? I can rescue her. Her kids really need a good influence. Maybe it’ll work out? I’ll just take it day by day.” Then a few months down the road, they decide that they’re “not ready for this” and they leave, abandoning my beautiful, innocent kids and me.

I have had every type of relationship imaginable. This one though, is my first really healthy one. I’m finally in a place where I don’t need anyone, I want someone. It seemed that we were a team. We never fought; we had a few arguments, but never really fought.

I understand that if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. That doesn’t shield me from the pain of giving my heart to someone and having it rejected. I know what I want and it took me a long time to know that he was the one who had it. He doesn’t feel the same about me.

I know I should be more on guard when it comes to these matters, but this is me. In the end, I will know that I gave it everything I had. I will have no regrets.

Tell me people; does this seem to be the end? Should I say, “You want space, I’ll give you space!” and move on?

Comments
on Jun 17, 2004
Stay on track with yourself. You said that you "want" not "need", keep it that way. Give him the "space" that he needs, and seeing the lack of "need", or clinginess may be the kick start he needs. Seeing that you are your own woman and can either leave him or take him, shows a strength that may appeal to him. If you are all that you say you have been to him, then he should have no choice than to recognize what a great thing he has. Some thrieve on this and others run from it, if it becomes the latter, let it go and get into what YOU really want for YOURSELF, not what you can do for another for thier happiness or to fullfill what you recognize as a substance of happiness you enjoyed & now have to have. They will come!!!
on Jun 17, 2004
Good advice, illusive.

I am my own woman, and I need to move on one way or the other, I need to continue to head in the direction leading to success for me and my family. Whether he cooses to go or not is up to him.
on Jun 17, 2004
Keep looking up. Life is going to continue, whether we choose to move on or not, and so, ya just gotta take hold of this situation and keep on going. I agree with what illusivedreamer had to say.

I guess I'll keep this comment short...
Ashlee Ryder
on Jun 17, 2004
The thing that struck me was that you said he talked to a few people and THEY said you should take a break? WTF? That really doesn't make sense to me. I want my man to be capable of making his own decisions and not depending on his buddies or other people. Sure, advice is great, but I'm hoping he made this decision on his own.

Anyway, my advice would be to give him his space and take your own. Do what you feel you need to do. Time will tell if you're meant to be together, and if you are, God will make a way. It just seems a bit odd that he's taking a "break" to see if you're the one he wants to marry. I'm not saying it should be clear to him, or you, by any means, but why wouldn't he continue to see you so that he can make a good choice based on more experience.

~Sarah
on Jun 17, 2004
The thing that struck me was that you said he talked to a few people and THEY said you should take a break? WTF? That really doesn't make sense to me. I want my man to be capable of making his own decisions and not depending on his buddies or other people. Sure, advice is great, but I'm hoping he made this decision on his own.


He didn't really make the decision, he was asking me what I thought about it. (Another cop out of making a decision!)

It just seems a bit odd that he's taking a "break" to see if you're the one he wants to marry. I'm not saying it should be clear to him, or you, by any means, but why wouldn't he continue to see you so that he can make a good choice based on more experience.


We have been seeing each other while he decides, but I am tired of him having the confirmation of my feelings, but I never know where he's coming from. I'm not his puppy. I really need to move on and live my own life. You're right, God will make a way.

on Jun 17, 2004
If he is saying that kind of crap... he is obviously insecure about who he is, and let's face it... a single mother with 3 kids really doesn't need to deal witha forth child right?

taking a break to see if you are the girl he wants to marry basically reads to me as "I need to see if there is anything better out there"

break shmeak... this guy needs to be honest with you, and most of all, honest with himself... you need to put that foot i know you have down.... and force that honesty... either way, what you hear inside you head, will be the right answer

BAM!!!
on Jun 18, 2004
Dr. Muggaz,

You're right. I said exactly this last night and put that foot down! We'll see what happens, but I think I need a break right now, too!
on Jun 23, 2004
UPDATE: I finally made him break up with me! All week, he has kept me hanging with, "I just want to do what's right and I don't know what that is." Tonight I said, "Let me go. Let me heal. You don't want to be with me. Someone else will someday." I feel so free! I am single again and hope to be for a while!!!! Here's to all of us strong, secure women out there!